This essay has way too many exclamation points. Go ride your bike!

People on television put a lot of effort into selling prescription drugs—and their side effects. Go ride your bike!

In the United States, some believe there are two sides to any issue. Others disagree. Go ride your bike!

Serious people know there is no alternative to car dependency. Go ride your bike! (Seriously.)

One hundred years ago, in 1922, A Short History of the World by H.G. Wells was published. One reason for the book’s brevity? It included precious little information on events that transpired decades after its release. Despite that rather obvious shortcoming, it’s worth celebrating the book’s centennial. Go ride your bike!

In a world of artificial intelligence and eight billion people, originality is an illusion. Go ride your bike!

Coastal areas are flooding; California is on fire. Go ride your bike!

It’s too cold—or too hot. Go ride your bike!

There’s no time like the present. Go ride your bike!

You want to change the world, but you can’t find a big enough diaper. Go ride your bike!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and there’s just enough daylight to explore both if you pedal. Go ride your bike!

You wake up at 3 a.m. and, once again, your tattoos are talking to each other in a language you don’t understand, which is possibly standard English. Go ride your bike!

There are so many reasons not to ride a bicycle. Go ride your bike!

In one hundred years, no one will care you spent the day reformatting a spreadsheet that will be superfluous within days of the interdepartmental marketing presentation. And let’s face it: you don’t care right now. Go ride your bike!

You aren’t a serious cyclist, a racer, a professional. Go ride your bike!

Your efforts to add a sound bar and subwoofer to your television system have been frustrated again. Go ride your bike!

You need time to think. Go ride your bike!

You just pulled out a t-shirt promoting a ride from 1999. Go ride your bike!

You know the way to the coffee shop. Go ride your bike!

Nobody else rides a bicycle to work. Go ride your bike!

All roads lead to Rome. You can’t get to Rome from here. Therefore, there are no nearby roads. Go ride your bike anyway!

You spend your days decrying the authoritarian impulse and its reliance on red-meat anecdotes and simplistic imperatives. Take a break. Go ride your bike!

You don’t have hydraulic brakes, electronic shifting, or GPS with turn-by-turn instructions. Go ride your bike!

Your kids don’t know you know how to ride a bicycle. Go ride your bike!

Your friend says, “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark… and we’re wearing sunglasses.” But you also have an alternative plan of action. Go ride your bike!

Consider it a mission from God if you must.

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About 16incheswestofpeoria

Former bicycle mechanic, current peruser of books, feeder of birds.
This entry was posted in bicycle, Read and roll and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to This essay has way too many exclamation points. Go ride your bike!

  1. mitch hull says:

    A corollary:

    There are two types of people: Those that divide the world into two types of people. And those that don’t.

    >

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